Workin on a Sunday Afternoon

I can imagine a lot of better things to do. I have work that I should be doing, but I just don't feel like doing it because it is Sunday. So I must apologize for not updating in such a long time. Nothing all that incredible has happened recently except for maybe the fact that plans for a mission trip to New Orleans are now underway. We're having a brief meeting about it next Sunday right after church. Yes, I know it's mother's day, that's why it will be a pretty brief meeting. I'm really excited about going back and taking a whole new batch of people wth me. We're going sometime in August, as far as when specifically it will be, we'll figure that out at the meeting.

Now to the continuing saga with Toolman. Nothing has changed. We still sit together at Real Life (except for this week because I was late). We still talk afterwards and hang out together at happy hour and we still hang out after church on Sundays. Oh...one really cool thing about church...he went home this weekend and I asked him when he'd be back and he said, "I don't know. I really want to come back Saturday night because I feel like Bethany is my church now, but I feel like I should go to my home church when I'm at home. I'll probably come back Saturday night though." As most of you saw, he was there this morning. Cool, isn't it? His birthday was Friday, so I gave him a card and Travel Connect Four because last Sunday we played Connect Four for like an hour and he kept beating me. I also saw him on his birthday and gave him a big hug since that's what he gave me on my birthday.

Anyway...I got to be honest. It's not like you guys don't already know this, but I guess I've never really officially said it. I REALLY want to be with this guy. He's incredible. He's such a strong man of God who has outstanding morals. He was talking to me and one of his guy friends the other night and he was talking about how he doesn't like to watch much television or movies because so many of them have a lot of unnecessary sex scenes which he refered to as 'smut.' Now, that to me, was like wow. Very few guys, even Christian guys have those kind of standards, and most women would give an arm and a leg for one of them including myself. I can be myself around him and he still likes me just the same. I've acted like a complete idiot around him a couple times but yet he continues to hang around. He's solid. He's intelligent. He has a heart to serve. He's a gentleman. He's everything I've wanted and hoped and prayed for for the last 4 years, but it's like he's right there...but I can't get to him. I don't know if it is because it's really not meant to be or if it's that we have to be patient and wait on God's timing. Anyone that has talked to me about this knows that it's been driving me crazy, but miraculously I still haven't stepped over the boundary. I haven't "made a move." I did find out, though, that he has been hurt before. A friend of his was at my house for our campout Friday night and she told me that he dated a girl in high school for quite a while. She said she wasn't absolutely positive, but she was pretty sure the girl was the one that ended it which makes since because Toolman said something a while ago alluding to his heart being broken in the past. So maybe that has something to do with it to.

I've been continually praying about this situation. Praying for clarity, for some sort of definition, some idea as to how it's going to go in the future. God knows the desires of my heart. He knows I want to be with him, and he knows I don't want to get hurt. For the most part, I've just been trusting God to let it happen as it's supposed to happen, but I'm only human. I have my moments when it's driving me up a wall not knowing if this is going anywhere. So many people have said that he must be interested based on how much time he's been spending with me and the things he's been doing, etc, and they've all told me that I just have to be patient. So, is that God's way of telling me, yes he's interested but you just have to wait for me or is it Him testing me on whether I listen to Him or everyone else. I'm so confused about this whole thing. I would appreciate your prayers about it. Pray also that I can guard my heart. I don't want to give my heart to anyone until I know that they will give me theirs in return. The Bible says somewhere (Proverbs I think), "Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." There's no doubt about that. Ever notice that when something or someone breaks your heart, your life seems to just stop for a while. You feeling like your world is ending. Yet when something or someone fills your heart with joy you can't help but let that joy spread to every aspect of your life. I think that's what that verse means.

So there it is. My feeling laid out on the line for all to read. Please be prayiing about this mission trip to New Orleans. God has really laid it on my heart to do this, but I'm so afrad there won't be any response. I'm still going nonetheless, but I want other people to have the privelege to experience it with me so please, please pray about it. Write it down somewhere, put in your pocket or something. Do something so that you'll see it every so often and it will remind you to pray about it.

I hope all is well with all of you. You're all constantly in my prayers. I love y'all lots and lots!

God bless!

Pepto