Broken Road

Ok, this may or may not be a really long entry, but it will definitely be one of those "pouring my heart out" kind of entries. Do you ever set out on a journey just to find yourself a completely different person you return? Is that journey ever 30 minutes long? I feel like that's what just happened to me tonight. A little bit before 1 AM, I decided to go for a drive because I was rather frustrated and upset about a situation that is not related to anything else I'm going to say in this journal. I left angry, frustrated, confused, upset, etc. etc. I returned refreshed, renewed, and feeling like I understand something that I never did before. My journey took me from my house, out to 675 south to 75 north to 35 east back to 675 north and back to my house. I also stopped to get gas which frustrated me even more, so I set out on 675 really cheesed off. By the time I got to the Wilmington Pike exit, the foggy haze of angery had been lifted. I was no longer even thinking about the original reason I had gone on the drive.

Instead I started to evaluate. Evaluate myself, my life, my walk with the Lord...a little bit of everything. Ever have one of those moments when you just think, "How did I get here? What am I doing here? and Why am I still here?" It's not the kind of questioning where you doubt what you are doing, just the kind of questioning that evaluates. Hitch says, "You can't know where you're going until you know where you've been." Makes sense. So I was thinking about all that, and I couldn't help but think that there's still something being left undone. I've been making great strides lately, and a lot of people have told me so, but I don't deserve the glory, God does, and God alone. It's been very encouraging and uplifting to hear so many people tell me that I'm "remarkable" or "unselfish" or whatever, but I don't deserve that. It's not me that are those things, it's Christ in me. Tessa Welton is not a remarkable or unselfish person by any stretch of the imagination. This whole thought process has led me to believe that I'm not doing enough to show Christ in me and not just me. Maybe that's what's being left undone. For many years, I've felt a need to tell my story somehow. I don't know why, there are a lot of people that have much more outstanding stories than I do, but it's just something I've felt a good portion of my life. Today I spent about 2 hours talking to a woman in my class that I've never really talked to extensively before, but she poured her heart out to me...about how she's a recovering alcoholic and how she worries about her kids, and all kinds of stuff. The whole time I was listening intently but still wondering, "why on earth is this happening?" It seems that people are able to relate to me and I to them somehow. I still don't quite get that thing. This was all happening as I was just starting up 75.

As I was nearing 35, the CD I was listening to starting playing, "God bless the broken road" by Rascall Flatts. Now, I've heard this song a thousand times, but something suddenly clicked. I finally got the song as it was intended for me. For the first time I wasn't listening to it picturing some unknown man that would be my husband. This time I was picturing my Lord and Savior, Jesus. It finally made sense to me. That song doesn't have to be about the road to a husband or wife or whatever. For me, it's about the broken road I took to get to Jesus. Let me stick the lyrics here so y'all can read through them and maybe get what I'm saying a bit better.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

Beautiful isn't it? To think that all the crap we endured through life was all pointing us to Christ and wherever we are in our lives today. It's amazing...God's perfect plan. I think that's what I got out of my conversation with my classmate today...even with all the crap that happened, I wouldn't change it for the world. I love the person that I have become because I love Christ and I have Christ in me. I can never thank God enough for that. I don't deserve it, but He's given it to me just the same.

God bless!

Pepto