Long time again
Yeah, I've really been bad about updating this thing. I guess it's just not that high of a priority anymore. Anyway, things are still going. Still working, almost done with my Genesis class then I'll start a Philosophy class, the kind that I don't really have to go to because there's 200 people in it.
I don't quite know how to explain how I've been doing. I guess I've been doing ok, but at the same time I'm really frustrated, and kinda sick and tired of almost everything. Basically, I'm stuck in a rut...spiritually, emotionally, physically, the whole smack. All I keep hearing from everyone is that I need to "take care of myself." What that means, I don't know.
I'm not going to hide it anymore. I'm really frustrated with Bethany. I am so disappointed about this proposed trip to New Orleans. I am the only person committed to going at this point and it's supposed to be in less than a month and a half. I've decided that I'm just going to toss it out the window. We're not going. Why? Because there is no "we" about it. It's just I. I'm not talking to any of the Journal Goddesses, because you all either have a baby, or you're pregnant. But there are so many people...people my age, and people that are older, maybe retired even, whatever that can't go for ten million different reasons. I saw something that the church was lacking and I decided to do something about it hoping that I would get support, and I really haven't. Minister and Beef who have both said they want to go have not committed nor have they done anything to get people to go. I just feel like nobody cares about what I have to say because I'm a 22 year old college student. I don't know anything, I don't have a husband and kids to take care of like everyone else, therefore it's easier for me to just go down there for a week. Ok, I'm rambling. Sorry, but I just wanted to get that off my chest.
In other news, I've become quite discontent with my singleness. No particular reason. I'm just tired of waiting for Mr. Wonderful.
Sorry I was so negative, but I'm kinda tired of trying to hide it. Now y'all know why I've been moody. I'm going to go now. I'm still praying for everyone.
God bless.
Pepto
posted by Pepto at 2:43 PM
5 Comments:
Pepto, I just love you so much...and I can totally "hear" you in this entry...if that makes sense. As I was reading it, I could just hear your voice! Funny.
Anyways, I am sorry that things are so frustrating and "stuck in a rut" right now. There is no need to try and hide it. We have all been there, or may be there now, or will be there. So, just know you are not alone! There are many people praying for you....and praying that his rut will be over soon.
I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for you - working so hard to coordinate this Louisiana trip - and then no one committing. Maybe you should just hook-up with another group going down, because you have the truest of intentions and you would get so much out of it! Don't blame yourself for the lack of participation....those things just happen.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make things better....but I can't! I can, however, pray for you!!! So, I am doing that!
I love you...and so do many, many others!! Hang in there!!!
7:16 PM
I totally know what you are talking about. You have to remember something about church that you may not like (I know I don't)....it's easier to give money and have someone else do the work than to get your hands dirty. I'm not saying that is a pretty picture of the church (as a whole...not just Bethany) but in a lot/few/some that is how it is. Some of the churches that I have been to are just like that too and it is frustrating. The one you really need to talk to is the one in charge of missions....that is who should be on your side and gung-ho about the whole idea. Have you mentioned it to this person? I know it's hard. I have a hard time with us not having groups not doing outside mission works. The only group that does that on a REGULAR basis is the youth....Beef's group. They have Detox and Know Sweat which are both very good programs. Our church doesn't go to Honduras or a poor section of town (except the youth) to help. That is a common theme among some churches and I feel your frustration. In fact that is one of the first things that I told Hubby about when we moved here. I mentioned it once and it was kind-of tossed in the wind. Maybe you are the person to make the trips happen.
I'm sorry for your frustration.
Lots of Love!
9:32 PM
Hey I wanted to tell you that THE one reason I think I was supposed to go to my parents church last week or the other week, was b/c they are planning a regular trip to LA. They just got back and are planning another trip in Sept or Oct. and one in Nov. I know that they would welcome ANYONE interested in going to tag along. It is a non-denominational church so there aren't any guidelines, just have the desire to go and know and understand you are going to work. :) I know I was there to hear that for you. The group they go with is out of Bellefountain. so I can get the info for you if you would like or just tell you when they are going next.
So sorry for your funk!! But you do have to realize that going to LA is a great idea in thought, but this is a bad time of year. I know that shouldn't matter b/c those people need help, but lots of people are going through things or have already planned things and commitment is a hard thing. The church is not very connected to the youth I don't think and that is always a problem in church. I am not sure though that the problem is that it is you who is young that is in charge of the trip or just that it hasn't been talked about enough to show that it is a serious trip that will happen.
Praying lots for you!!
12:59 AM
I had several thoughts as I read your entry.
First and foremost, I just want to give you a hug, (((Pepto))). I love you, and hate that you feel so down right now. Praying for you!
Second, what happened to that list of people that signed up to go w/ Bob when he was beginning to plan the trip several months...a year, maybe...ago? It seems like they'd be the ones to check with. Maybe they're the type that lets their wives read the announcements and never do themselves, and if you call them they'll say yeah, I was waiting for someone to get back with me!!!
Also, Dale Jones is the missions guy. Have you spoken to him to ask the mission team's support? Don't know if it'll help, but it's worth a try.
Thirdly, and probably the most frustrating, the people that are most likely to support you, and would *want* to go with you, are the same people who are already spread mighty thin. They are the old standbys. The 20% that do all the work. They're sapped out, especially this time of year, because all of them, the whole 20% plus the other 30% that do only one thing every year, are working on Camp Xtreme.
Also, they are the parents of younger kids who are starting school when the trip is planned.
Also, *a lot* of these same people live paycheck to paycheck. Bethany is, dare I say it? A blue color church. There isn't always a lot of lee way in those type of budgets. No, there's not a direct cost for the trip, but there is the indirect cost of the loss of income for taking off work to go. Family vacations have to be planned a year in advance to work them into the budget. Maybe there just wasn't enough notice?
I don't know if this helps at all, but Chelsea did want to go. We just can't afford for Dean to take off work to go with her.
I actually know first hand how you feel. I used to head up a kids outreach once per month in the Summer, but I could never get anyone to help. I had over 20 kids turn out, and their parents stayed, but planning, getting supplies, arranging transportation, all that stuff took time I didn't have, so I had to let it go. It was my baby and it hurt to let it go, but I couldn't do it.
Ugh. Long comment. Sorry. Love you. Hang in there!
12:27 AM
Well, everyone else beat me to the punch. I know how you feel, though. I'm in a rut myself right now, so don't feel alone.
Also remember that Satan likes to spoil things that glorify God, so don't let him get you down about this. It sounds like some of the other girls have given you a few ideas, and that's good b/c I don't have any. :) Praying for you, though! Love ya!
7:28 AM
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