This will be short..just like me

Ok, so I really don't have a whole lot to say. I'm mainly posting just to say that I think it's kinda weird that everyone wants to look at my hands and feet now. I hope they don't disappoint you. I've been looking for my nail clippers to make sure they're groomed accordingly, but I can't find them. It never fails...when I need them the most, I can't remember where I put them last.

My day today...was another day. I left work early because I was completely exhausted and wasn't really feeling well. I haven't slept well for about the last week. I'm fairly certain I know why, but I won't go into that here. Maybe some other time. So I came home and spent the whole morning/afternoon on the couch watching Bridezilla. That's an interesting show. Anyway, later on I talked to Mac and Cheese...she's great. I can't say that enough. She's always such an encouragement to talk to. Then I went to the mall with TV Dinner...she's great too. I told her today that I don't think I value her friendship enough because she is ALWAYS there when I need her. Anyway, I got another one of those fake two shirt looking sweaters, then we went to Family Christian and I got the Jeremy Camp Live Unplugged CD which is AWESOME. I love his music and acoustic driven music, so it's the best of both worlds. I came home, talked to Mama D for a while...she's great too. She really has become like another mom to me. Then I watched the Jeremy Camp DVD, and now I'm going to bed. So that's it. I'm tired, and I definitely need some sleep. My hands and feet need the beauty rest. I'll be seeing y'all. Love ya!

God bless!

Pepto

Boredom

Ok, so I'm stuck at work without anything to do until my boss gets back. She was expecting to be back nearly an hour ago but has yet to arrive, so I thought I would journal to pass the time.

So I have come to realize that I really am emotionally unstable. It's getting to an unhealthy level so I think I might try to make an appointment with a Psychiatrist or something. I won't go into detail on what all made me realize, just know that I've been a walking mood swing over the last couple days. Yes, there are plenty of reasons why I could be so moody: the holidays, stress of hosting dinner, PMS among other things, but I think it's just getting out of hand. Yes, there is a whole lot that is being left unsaid, but for good reason. There's just no need to get everyone involved in the situation.

On the brighter side, I get to hang out with my old friend Spicy Chicken this evening. We're going out for dinner and a movie, so that will be fun. I haven't been able to just hang out with her in about 4 months or so. We used to almost be like twins...we looked quite a bit alike, we had the same kind of personality, we were both single, etc. etc. Then she started dating someone and got engaged and it all changed. That's ok though, friendships change...I need to keep that in mind whever I start thinking a friendship is going to end. True friendships never end, they just evolve.

I am so stinking bored right now. If she's not back very soon, I'm gonna leave anyway. At least I'm getting paid to be here. I have really nice hands and feet. I've gotten compliments on my feet before but I was just looking at my hands and noticed how nice they are too. I got a sweater for Christmas...it's one of those deals that looks like a sweater with a button-up shirt underneath it, but it's just one shirt...I really like that style. I think I'll try to find some more like this. Why does fruitcake still exist? I don't know anyone that likes it. You know what's funny...the fruitcake lady on Jay Leno...she's hilarious. If you ever get to watch her, please do. I thought about going to the gym today...yeah right. Who am I kidding? I really do want to try to get into a routine when the quarter starts, but it's going to be hard because I'll be really really busy. I've decided that I like playing board games. We've been playing them more recently at the house, and I enjoy them. I never really got to play them much when I was a kid because I was pretty much an only child and my parents would never play with me. Except Trivial Pursuit...I actually won quite often which is good for someone so young.

Ok, well it's 2 o'clock, so I'm gonna punch my timecard and go home. I hope you all enjoyed my random ramblings, and I'll be seeing ya.

God bless!

Pepto

The Christmas Aftermath

That sounds so negative doesn't it? Well, it was quite a Christmas for me this year. The day before Christmas Eve and early in the day Christmas Eve were pretty rough. I spend 5 hours or more cleaning the house and preparing for Christmas day. I had been really looking forward to having everyone over for Christmas, but it's not something I'll be doing again soon. Anyway...a lot of stuff was just weighing down on me with it being the first Christmas since my parents split, and I was really just wishing that I had a nice guy to throw his arms around me, tell me he loves me and that everything is going to be ok. Unfortunately, my emotions were misdiricted toward Roomiestar, and I still feel bad about it, but it'll get worse later. So anyway, after letting out a good cry, I got in the car and headed to Circleville to my aunt's house to spend time with my Mom's family. It was a lot of fun. Good food, as always. I actually got to talk to my cousin who I will call Navy (because she was in the Navy for a while) which was cool, because I haven't really had a chance to talk to her in about 8 or 9 years. Then we played games which was a first for our family, but it ended up being a lot of fun. The first one, we tossed Christmas cards into a basket to see who could get the most...I didn't. Then we all sat in a circle and every other person got a gift. Then my Aunt told a story about the "Wright family." The rule was that everytime she said, "right" you had to pass the gifts to the right and everytime she said, "left" you had to pass them to the left. It was pretty fun, I ended up not getting one at the end of the game but the she made sure everyone got something, and I ended up with a Longaberger basket. Then we opened presents and I actually got some: a pretty red sweater that I wore on Christmas day and a cookie plate. I was suprised because we used to have a rule that everyone that had graduated from high school either didn't get a gift or we'd do a Secret Santa kind of deal. So that was cool. Then I went to Columubus to my brother's mother-in-law's house so I could see my brother and his wife and my nephew and my dad. I didn't stay there incredibly long, but it was great getting to see my baby nephew. He's getting big...he's up and walking now. So then I came home and went to bed.

I woke up Christmas morning feeling great simply because it was Christmas morning. Then I went to rehearsal then we had the service which went better than I thought it would. After the service Roomiestar and PC wanted me to go get Chinese with them and Bowler and I didn't want to because I had so much to do at the house before dinner, but they convinced me. So then we all went on a wild goose chase to find something open and ended up just coming back to the house and ordering pizza. This is where the real fun starts. The day felt like a disaster to me because I was so focused on being a good hostess that I ended up totally screwing up. I had to leave as soon as we got there to go take care of some cats. Then I had to leave again to try and find sour cream because I completely forgot it. In the meantime the gang back here kept calling everywhere to see if they were open and if they had sour cream. No luck, until Roomiestar's parents remembered that they had some at their place so her dad went back and got it. So yeah...on top of that I was just plain being a pill. I mean I was a pain in the butt, and in hindsight I feel terrible about it. I don't know if it's PMS or just the same thing I that was wrong with me on Christmas Eve, but I got over it for long enough to at least enjoy Christmas. Bowler was there, as I said and he did stay the whole day which made me glad because I really didn't want the poor guy to be alone on Christmas day. We played Life and Clue and had a lot of fun. PC won both games because he cheats...j/k. Anyway, we had dinner and everyone complimented my cooking which was cool. Then we opened presents. Now...the last couple months I had been expecting to get very little if I got anything at all. Yeah...I was wrong. I got a necklace (which I put on immediately and a book (which I already read this morning) from Roomiestar, Bruce Almighty DVD and a wallet with some cash in it from Roomiestar's parents, and like 4 sweaters, a pair of jeans, bras, underwear, socks, a teddy bear with a Clay High School sweatshirt on it, a Narnia book, a Michael Buble CD, and this is the kicker...Adobe Photoshop from my mom. I about killed her. I was very thankful for it, but I knew she couldn't afford it, so I don't know where the money came from, but she got it somehow. So I'm probably going to spend a good part of the rest of today learning how to use it. So then the parents left and Roomiestar, PC, Bowler, and I went to the movies. Bowler paid for all of us, I guess that was his Christmas present to us. We went to see King Kong...yeah...I really wish I had known ahead of time that that movie was 3 hours long. It was good...it was just really long. So then I came home and was just feeling like crap emotionally. So I hid in my room till Roomiestar went to bed and then I went for a drive. That's a sure sign that I have A LOT on my mind. Fortunately, I got over a lot of the crap going on in my head without saying too much that I would later regret.

Anyway...I've had plenty of time to myself today to think about stuff, and I'll have more time for the rest of the day. So sorry this got so long, but there's even more I could say. I'll talk about it sometime later though. I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas. I had a few rough spots but it was still good. I'll be seeing ya!!

God bless!

Pepto

Perspective

There is a song by Kutless called "Perspectives." A line in the chorus says, "Sometimes freedom is just simply another perspective away." I realize more and more as I get older just how true that is. I think our own happiness has more to do with the perspective we have on our life than what our life actually is.

Why am I talking about this? You might ask. Well...I stated in my previous journal that I don't understand why everyone seems to think I have so much control over my relationship status. Well...I do now. After a brief chat with Mac and Cheese, some more talking to PC and reading a 200 page book called, "Marriable" in one sitting (I'm dead serious. I didn't get up off the couch at all until I finished it.), I finally realized that I do give off this major "Unavailable" vibe, and it's my own fault. I've had this attitude that I shouldn't get involved in a relationship until I get to seminary or wherever it is I'm going. All along it made perfect sense to me, but in the last couple of days, it really hasn't made sense at all. If God has Mr. Right in store for me in the next eight months, who am I to prevent that from happening? Yeah, it may cause some changes in my plans for the future and it may turn into a long distance relationship for a while, but so what. How can I know if it would work if I don't even let myself get close to anyone. So, I've decided that should the opportunity arise, I will go for it. By go for it, I mean I may show signs of being interested but I'm still gonna let him chase me because that's just how men and women were designed. In short...I have a new perspective on dating now.

So here's a bit of a fun fact that I thought you ladies would like to hear about. I know it put "a little extra hitch in my giddy-up" in the words of Larry the Cable Guy. Wednesday afternoon, I took Roomiestar over to the base to see PC because I have access to get on base and she doesn't. In case y'all didn't know, he checks IDs at the gate. So we came through the gate and the airman that he was working with ended up checking my ID, but then we pulled through and stopped to at least say hi to PC and he asked us if we would go get them some food. Roomiestar said yes...even though I was the one driving, but I would have done it anyway. So we ran to Wendy's to get them some food and went to take it to them. Once again the airman stopped us and he was like, "You're coming through again?" So we responded with, "Yeah because we're bringing you food." So anyway, we pull through and give the food to PC while I successfully embarrass Roomiestar 0:) then we go out on our way. Well...I later found out from PC that soon after we drove away, the airman he was working with started asking about us. So PC told him that Roomiestar was his girlfriend and I was her best friend and what we were doing there, etc. Well, apparantly this airman kept asking about me and talking about me for the rest of their shift which was another 5 1/2 HOURS!! He even asked if PC would set us up for a double date. So when PC was telling me all this, I was like...."So....what happened?" and he said that they talked about spirituality and religion briefly and the airman said that he is more "spiritual than religous." But then PC said that he really didn't think this was the kind of guy I would want to get involved with because of some other stuff he said earlier in the day. So he was looking out for me because he knows that if I would get hurt that it would eventually come back to him.

So yeah...that was a big confidence boost. Nothing will ever come of it, but it's good to know my smile can make some stranger talk about me for almost 6 hours. After that conversation, PC also said that he is "still hopeful" that Bowler and I will get together. I thought that was interesting. But I'm not going to press the issue. I don't see anything happening right now for a lot of reasons, but you never know. But I told Roomiestar to have PC invite Bowler over for Christmas just because I wouldn't want the poor guy to spend Christmas alone. So I'll let you all know if that happens.

Well, I don't know if I'll be updating again before Christmas so I hope you all have a great one! I'll be seeing y'all soon. Enjoy the next couple of days and try to not stress out. Love ya sistahs!!God bless!!!

Pepto

Another Update

Ok, so I have said it before, but I will say it again. I love my job. I'm sitting here eating popcorn and watching Christmas Vacation...at work. But don't worry...I have plenty of work to do. I'm just taking a brief break to journal. So in response to some of your comments...there really is no side to be taken on the whole situation of lunch on Sunday. As I said...I completely understand why she was upset...and if I were in her shoes, I'm sure I'd be pretty upset about it as well, but she did say that she was glad that we are getting to know each other. So it's all good. It's done and over with.

Now...about my whole feelings on wanting to find someone, etc. etc. I'm realizing that a lot of it has to do with 2 things: the crappy conversation I had with my dad and the fact that Christmas is just 5 days away. It's really starting to set in that my family is not going to be together for Christmas nor will it ever be until my family consists of my husband and kids. I don't know if any of you have ever really experienced this...but it sucks. Big time. I just want so badly to have someone to share the experience with this Christmas, but I really don't. Granted, I will get to spend Christmas with my mom as well as the Durbins which is the only family I really have now...it's different. I don't know...to expect to have someone to be with this Christmas is COMPLETELY unrealistic and irrational and it won't happen, but it's just how I feel. Maybe he'll walk into my life by next Christmas. It's hard to say.

There seems to be a general consesus among those close to me that I have more control over my relationship status than I think I do. I don't get it. It's not that I'm turning down dates or anything...nobody has even asked me out on a date...not even a relationship...in over 4 years now. Don't get me wrong...I've had a few dates, but they were all either set up or I asked. You can guess how those ended up. So I don't see where I have any control over the situation, but if you all can...please enlighten me.

I know this post seems like a downer, but I'm doing fine...really. Yeah, I'm hurtin a bit with the whole family thing, but overall...I'm still doing well, and still praising the Lord for what I do have. Oh...and on a more positive note...I'm kinda sorta being promoted at work. I'm not getting a raise but I am getting more responsibity and quite possible some more hours. I'll be doing what's called Inventory Control. I have a desk and everything. It's not official but the Cool Boss told me that I'll probably be doing a lot of it since the person they hired this past quarter quit. So yay!!! Praise the Lord. Speaking of work...I need to get back to that. I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I'll see most of you at rehearsal tonight.

God bless!

Pepto

Roller Coaster

Yeah...so the last couple days have definitely been up and down. Yesterday started off great...the service was awesome even though the last verse of the Untitled Hymn brought some tears to my eyes because it reminded me of my Grandma. Afterwards Roomiestar had to work so we headed back to the house and PC asked me and Homeslice if we would like to go somewhere for lunch, so we did. It was a lot of fun and we got to know each other a little bit more, and then it was time to face reality. I went to Portsmouth to talk to my dad. It really didn't go well, but in the end we were "ok". It's a long story and I really don't want to get into it. So I came back here to talk to Roomiestar, and PC was here as well. I was fine with that because I had vaguely told him what had been going on at lunch. So I told them all what happened and that was that. Then PC left and Roomiestar was upset about us going to lunch. Understandably so because I wouldn't be too happy in her shoes either. But I felt like a colossal jerk. Thankfully this morning she was fine, so I didn't worry about it anymore. So today I went to work for an hour then Roomiestar and I went shopping. PC called her around 3ish and told us to meet him at Golden Corral to eat.

Well...this is where the plot thickens. Everything started out just fine...but I now must go back in time a little bit. In my last entry (I think) I told y'all about the night out with Roomiestar, PC, and Bowler. Well...ever since that evening (including some interesting conversation with PC), I've been thinking about him quite a bit...probably a lot more than I should considering he was taken (or so I thought) and I don't know anything about him. So I made the mistake of repeatedly asking about him or talking about him around PC, but at the same time completley denying that I had any interest in him. Well today I said something about him again while we were at lunch. And everytime I mention him, PC walks away. So Roomiestar just basically told me that I either need to drop it and not talk about him anymore or just fess up that I have an interest...so I fessed up and she ran immediately to tell PC. That was embarrassing. So the situation was awkward, and then it got worse when PC started probing for information and asking me questions. You see...he's a very analytical guy. So everything I said only provoked more questions until I finally just blurted it out that I really do want to date someone no matter how much I seem like I don't and that I want to at least wait till I leave. I want to be pursued and I want it to happen in the very near future. I don't want to wait for another 8 months because I feel like I've been waiting long enough. I don't know...I see how happy Roomiestar is with PC...and I want that. Now. Not a year from now. Now. I'm just being honest. I'm sure that it isn't God's will for me to be with anyone, and I'm kinda getting into one of my, "I'll never find anyone" funks, but I'm sure I'll get over it. So anyway...through a few conversations I've had with PC about this stuff he keeps saying that I have more control over the situation than I think I do...but I really don't. I have no control over it whatsoever and he just doesn't seem to get that. It's not that I'm not taking opportunities, it's that I don't have any. So yeah...that's how I feel right now. Chances are I will be fine by tomorrow morning, but yeah...I could use a little prayer, and if y'all could start sending up some prayers that God will send me my Prince Charming soon, I would really appreciate it. Maybe if we start praying for it now it won't take as long. I'm still trying very hard to just be patient, but it gets hard occasionally. I'm sure you all can understand that. Ok, I'm gonna shut up...this is getting depressing, I'll try to be more upbeat in the next one.

God bless!

Pepto


P.S. I figured I should at least end it on a good note. I have to say that PC is a great guy...perfect for Roomiestar. He's going through a lot of steps to really invest in her...especially considering he's doing stuff like taking me out for lunch and inviting me along with them to places just because I am, "an important part of Roomiestar's life." So I really am very very very very happy for them and I feel like I've gained a friend in the deal. So I'm not bitter...don't worry. Peace out.

Nothing new under the moon

Yeah...so nothing much has happened in the last few days really. That's why I hadn't updated my journal. I guess I'll start with Wednesday. After I got off work I went to the base and I did see PC. We chatted for a little bit...he asked me to pull over (he was in his security guard uniform) and when he walked up to the car I just said, "is there a problem officer?" So he said, "Yes ma'am, I need to inspect your vehicle." Then he said, "You know I only tease you because I like you." So...we're really getting along well and that's good for all parties involved, especially Roomiestar because having your boyfriend and best friend hate each other is a really bad situation. Anyway...that evening we ended up going bowling...me, Roomiestar, PC and PC's best friend...let's call him Bowler because we all decided that he looked like a pro bowler. Anyway...there weren't any lanes open till 9 so we decided to go grab a bite to eath at Bob Evans...and get this...PC paid for MY dinner. I was floored. I have a lot of respect for this guy and I would even consider him a friend, but most importantly, he makes Roomiestar happy which makes me happy. So after that we went bowling and Bowler paid for everyone because it was "buck night" so it wasn't that much. So I got an evening out for free which was really cool.

After that, me, Roomiestar, and PC came here and "watched" Hitch with Homeslice...it actually ended up that Roomiestar watche the movie while PC analyzed me and Homeslice and then we talked the whole time. It was some interesting conversation and it made me think about some things...which I'm still thinking about, but I won't go into that here. It would take too long. (Sidenote: I'm only giving the details on this evening because Roomiestar didn't in her journal) So that was fun.

Thursday was pretty uneventful...I worked 9-5 then came home for a bit then went to rehearsal for 3 hours. I didn't want to be there initially, but it wasn't bad. Friday Yesterday was a really good day. We had our Christmas party at work...so I did my few daily tasks that I had to do and that was pretty much it. I drove the Big Boss and I out to Olive Garden to pick up our lunch then we went back to work and all ate and chatted and exchanged gifts. I wasn't expecting much at all...but the Cool Boss gave me a $25 gift card to Kohl's. I was floored. I just about started crying because I've never gotten anything remotely like that from a supervisor. But it made me realize just how blessed I am to have that job even though I hated it about a year ago. It's gonna stink when I have to leave it. Then I got to relax at home for a few hours which was nice since I hadn't been able to do it in a while. Plus I turned the house upside down looking for the USB cord for my digital camera which I still haven't found, but I'm gonna try to clean my room and hopefully it will turn up somewhere. So HBM...I feel your pain.

Anyway...last night was the dinner theater. It went really well. TV dinner and Piano Man came and they thought it was great. Everyone I talked to said 2 things: "There's so much talent up there" and "Roomiestar's solo was so amazing." So that's good. Afterwards I ate some dinner then came back here and watched TV till Roomiestar got home and we chatted for a bit, and then something occured to me last night, and I haven't told her this yet, but this relationship she has with PC has actually strengthened our friendship somehow. I don't really understand it, but she's been talking to me more since they started dating and opening up to me and that really means a lot to me. Not only that, but she's trying really hard to include me in everything and let me get to know him as well as making time to spend with me. We're going shopping on Monday so that will be cool.

So yeah...I know I'm getting long winded, but I must ask for you all to pray for me this evening. My mom is coming to the dessert theater with her "friend." I have a feeling it will really be a test of my patience. I hope that I can hold it together and not get all cranky and ticked off. It's not that I don't like the guy because I actually knew him when I was like 4 years old, but it's just a difficult situation to be in...parents splitting up, mom practically dating someone even though she's still married by law. Yeah. In addition to that. I'm planning on going to Portsmouth tomorrow afternoon to finally talk to my dad. Yes...it's time. I wanted to do it before Christmas and this is probably the last chance I'll have. So I will DEFINITELY need your prayers tomorrow. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Ok, I'm done blabbing. Sorry it's so long. I'll see most of you this evening. Peace out.

God bless!

Pepto

Woohoo

So I've gotten into the habit of updating my journal while I'm supposed to be working...shame on me. But i do get my job done and I'm probably their best worker (so they've told me). Anyway...yesterday was a pretty good day. Nothing spectacular about it except that I got to eat again for the first time. It was nice even though it wasn't all that tasty. Plus I got to meet with Mac and Cheese and that's always good. I love her to death...I am so glad I asked her to be my discipler...it was a bit of a random decision but it was definitely a good one. She can always make me smile and she's great at offering a different perspective on life when I'm down. I really look up to her. After that I went home to watch the Amazing Race season finale...by myself, but that's ok. I was a little disappointed that Roomiestar didn't make it back in time to watch it with me, but I have to be understanding...I can't hog her all to myself. But when she got back we talked a bit and it was good...except when she asked me what I would do if I didn't get accepted to seminary. That had me bummed out for a little while but then I decided I wouldn't let it keep me down. Yes, it is a possibility but through events in my life recently...I strongly believe that this is what I'm meant to do and I will continue to believe that until I get a letter that says, "i'm sorry but you can't come to school here." On that note...I've been filling out my application to Columbia online and I printed out my reference forms to give to people to have sent in. The website has a few different things listed as requirements for applications so I decided to call and clarify for sure what they needed from me. So I called and I asked the lady and she told me and then I told her that I could find the questionnaire for the essay, so she looked on the website and couldn't find it either. Then she was like. "I'm glad you called because we didn't know about that. You'll do great in graduate school." So that was REALLY encouraging. Now I'm stoked. I asked her how long it takes to hear back once everything has been submitted and she said that they try to let people know within 10 business days once everything has been received. So I'm going to try to have everything done and sent in by next Tuesday or Wedensday which means I should find out if I've been accepted by the first week of January. So if I seem on edge that week...you'll know why. It's kinda scarey. I mean I applied to college and everything but I was never nervous about that because I was super-student back in high school. Things have changed since then and my grades aren't all that glamorous. They're not that bad either. But it's still not a certaintly that I'll be accepted like it was when I applied to WSU. So I'm really excited but I'm also nervous. So if y'all could keep that in your prayers over the next few weeks, I would REALLY appreciate it.

So yeah...I'm gonna take my lunch now then I'll actually get to work, I promise. Then I'm going to the base to get gas and groceries and to tell PC he needs to come over to the house tonight to hang out with Roomiestar and me. I hope you're all having a GREAT day! Peace out ladies!!

God bless!

Pepto

Last day

Yes...today is the final day of my seven day fast...and I don't even have to make it through the whole day...just till I get off work at 5, then I can eat some food for dinner. Won't be anything very appetizing, but food nonetheless. So my overall experience with fasting was really good. I still can't believe I made it...it was all God. The last time I tried fasting I made it for about 9 hours...never thought I'd survive 7 days, but the Lord can do some pretty amazing things. So one thing I've learned is that God can use me to do things that I may think I could never do...and He does it because it brings Him that much more glory. He uses those that are incapable so that it is clear that they're doing it by His power and not their own. My attitude has changed about a lot of things, and I'm still not exactly sure why. Maybe it is just that I asked God to kick satan out and He did just that. I dunno. So I would highly recommend a fast sometime. There are bonuses to it as well. For instance: I lost 12 pounds, I saved a lot of money on food, and my teeth are whiter.

Anyway...yesterday I worked till 1 then I spent the rest of the day with my mom. It was kinda rough. She broke down a couple times talking about my dad and everything that's been going on. She's really in a bind right now. She had to sell her engagement ring and a couple rings he got her for Christmas for $500 to survive on and it still isn't enough because she's behind from last month. It was unavoidable though because she spend a lot of money on gas going to and from Circleville and on food while we were there because we couldn't just cook...but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm having problems myself even though I FINALLY got my VA check. Praise the Lord. That was the one thing I needed to pay rent and utilities...everything else...God will provide somehow. As the day went on, Mom seemed to lighten up a bit. She ended up spending the night last night, which I think she kinda needed to be around her daughter, so I complied.

That's about it. I'm gonna finish out my day at work then eat a small small dinner then go meet Mac and Cheese then watch the season finale of Amazing Race. I hope you all are doing well. Peace out!!

God bless!

Pepto

I'm in charge

Yeah, that's right. Neither of the bosses are here until noon today which puts me in charge of the entire staff...which today consists of me. So I'm all alone. I thought I'd update my journal before I make my run to the main library. So this weekend was a pretty good weekend. I already wrote about Friday and Saturday and yesterday was great. Why was it great for me? Because I got to see my best friend happier than she's been in a long time which makes me happy. Yes...I got to meet PC. At first I was not incredibly fond of him...but I think it was just the stress of the whole situation because when I saw him later on in the evening we got along just fine and he even told me that he thinks I'm a great person. To which I responded by saying I thought the same of him. Normally this is where I would go into my, "if you hurt her I'll kill you" speech but instead I just looked at him and said, "She's my best friend in the world. Take care of her." He responded by smiling and saying, "See...that's your real personality coming out there." He also said that he wanted to set me up with a friend of his but once he found out that I"ll probably be leaving in 8 months...he decided against it, which is fair. It wouldn't be right to try to date someone if I know I'm going to be leaving. So...YAY...I'm really happy for Roomiestar.

Now about my life...there's not a whole lot to be said. I'm still on my fast...day 6 now. WOOHOO!!! Praise the Lord. I still can't believe I've made it this far, but because I've made it this far, I know it's not on m own strength because I couldn't last more than a whole day. Anyway...I did some research last night about how to end a fast. It's a week long process. So even though I'm on a 7 day fast...it's actually a 14 day process because I have to get my system back to normal again before I start eating regularly. So it will be a lot of veggies for me this week, but that's ok. It will be nice to have solid food again, and it's important that I do it right because if I dont, it could cause some serious health problems. Finances are still a bit of a problem because I STILL have NOT gotten my VA check for the month of November and I should have gotten it 11 days ago. I tried to call again over the weekend, but they're closed. So if I don't get it today, I'm calling again. ...and if it doesn't come today, I'm really in a world of trouble. I talked to Detergent last night about going to seminary for counseling. That was pretty encouraging because she started naming off all these jobs I could get with that degree that I hadn't really thought about, so that was cool.

So yeah...last night I went to women's group for liek 3 1 /2 hours which is the longest I've ever stayed there, but it was a lot of fun. I got to sit with HBM and Scrapbook Queen until she moved then Mac and Cheese sat down with us and then...I believe we call her Minnie sat with us. I've never really talked to her before, but she's pretty funny. Then Roomiestar finally got there so she could tell us all about her whirlwind romance over the last few days (most of which I had already heard). Then we went home and she and I talked for a bit, and it was a good conversation. It's nice that we're starting to have those again instead of all the arguments. She told me that she's really seen a big change in my attitude about the whole situation which she is really glad about because it's a lot easier for her to be excited around me and not be afraid of makin me mad or anything. I honestly believe this fast has been the difference because yesterday for most of the day, I felt like I was all smiles even though times have been really rough lately. I have a new perspective on life. There was nothing specific in the last few days that caused the change, it just kinda happened, but praise the Lord nonetheless. It feels good to be able to smile again. He's been workin in me, and I'm very thankful for it. I finally have gotten a bit of a break from the attacks of satan and I am SO SO thankful for it. At the same time, though...I have to brace myself because I'm sure he'll be coming back soon.

Okie dokie...I actually need to do some work now. I love y'all!!! Peace out ladies.

God bless!

Pepto

Ditto

So this evening was practically a repeat of last night...I hung out with some friends (different ones though) and then went to see Narnia again...but only because I didn't pay for it. It was a lot of fun...it was a group that I definitely consider my friends, but I don't normally hang out with them. So it was cool to hang out with some different people and I laughed a lot. The best part was going to Red Robin for dinner even though I didn't eat anything (yes, I'm moving into day 5 and still kicking...praise the Lord). It was good for a lot of laughs. I already said that...I'm tired. So yeah...looks like we all get to meet PC tomorrow. That ought to be the true test of endurance...if he can survive all of us, he's gotta be a keeper. I'm looking forward to meeting him, from what Roomiestar says, he seems to be a great guy. Which makes me happy because it makes her happy. So we're all just shiny happy people. Yes...I really need to go to bed now. I'm rambling. There ya go HBM...at least you didn't say "shiny happy people". Oh, and btw...I made the praise band...YAY. Still playing acoustic geetar and that is definitely fine by me. :D My audition went really bad but Elvis had mercy on my soul, plus I got to chat with him for a while which is always cool. I love you people. You're all great. Now I sound like that one beer commercial from back in the day where the guy keeps telling everyone, "I love you man". I really do need to shut up. I have to be high on life right now because I've been hyper a lot the last couple days and I know for sure it isn't from sugar or caffeine or carbs or anything of the sort because I haven't had any. Hmmmm. Maybe the insulin is kickin in to burn the stored body fat for energy. I don't know...I'm not a bio major. Alright, for real, I'm shutting up now. Goodnight and God bless!!!

Pepto

Short and sweet

Ok, this will not be long because it's late and I'm really tired. Today was actually a pretty good day. Work wasn't that bad because I stayed busy and the time passed quickly. Plus I went home at 2:30 instead of 5. Then I just layed on the couch for a couple hours, then did some dishes, then headed to the church for the "Narnia Cast Party" wasn't exactly what I expected, but it was still pretty cool. I ended up just hanging out with Sebbiedue and her kids for about an hour or so until I met with TV Dinner and Piano Man to go see the movie. So yeah...the movie...we had to sit in the second row, but it was 50 times better than the first row, but it was still stinkin awesome. There were a few points where it strayed from the book, but it was nothing really important. So yeah...I've decided that I'm going to go on about my life as I was before I thought it had ended about two months ago. It's time to drop all the baggage and leave it all behind. Yeah. (Head nodding in confidence). I'm still going on the fast...moving into day 4 now, and it's only by God's strength that I've been able to do it. Because I cannot survive 3+ days without food. I can definitely tell there's been a change in my thinking over the last few days, so I really want to stick with it a bit longer. Ok, I'm tired...so I'm done. Goodnight.

Pepto

I have no life

Obviously if I update my blog 5 times in one day...I need to find something better to do with my time.

Anyway...that big blessing that I've been praying for arrived this evening. An anonymous person dropped off a card in our mail box with my name in the center and the return address just said "Merry Christmas". Inside the card was some money and a couple of Pass-it-on cards that I definitely needed to read in a time like this. So whoever did it, which I'm sure you're reading this. Thank you so much. You're my guardian angel here on earth. I can't thank you enough for bringing such a wonderful blessing into my life, and it really made me smile...for the first time in quite a while. So whoever you are...it will come back to you tenfold someday. I love you all so much. You've really been there to catch me when I'm falling. I'll never be able to thank you enough...but if I ever write a book, which is something I want to do someday...I'll be sure to put you all in the acknowledgements.

God bless!!!
(it feels good to say that again and really mean it)

Pepto

This sucks

Yeah, I know this is my third post today, but that's what happens when you're stuck at work with nobody to talk to. So I was planning on going to see Narnia with the group at church and I just found out what showing they were going to see...I've been trying to find out all day. So I got online to try and get my ticket in case it would be sold out tomorrow...Yep...I was too late. It's already sold out. So it looks like I'll be spending the evening at home by myself anyway. Oh well...I guess it's just my destiny. Sorry I'm being pessimistic...hard not to when stuff like this keeps happening.

Update: So IF I'm not snowed in tomorrow...I'll probably be going to a later showing with TV Dinner and Piano Man. So cool beans...I love them...they're always there when I need someone to hang out with.

Ok, so about the fasting thing...I've had some more time to think about it, pray about it, research it, etc. and I've decided I'm going to shoot for a 40 day "juice fast". That's where you don't eat anything but you can drink water, fruit juices, vegetable juices, and broth from vegetables. Why am I doing it? My reasons have changed because HBM is right...I shouldn't do it as an ultimatem with God. I'm doing it because I feel like I'm in a figurative desert in my life. What did Jesus do when he was in the desert? He fasted for 40 days and 40 nights...so I'm gonna give it a go. Besides...my biggest spiritual problem is that I don't fully rely on God and maybe not eating solid food for a while will force me to rely on Him more. So now that's the reason...read Matthew 4.

Edit: I've come to realize that a 40 fast over the holidays is not a good idea...so instead I'm going to fast for a week straight then just fast like 3 or 4 days a week for a few weeks. We'll see how it goes.

Ok, quick update because the boss is out for a meeting. If I stop abruptly in mid sentence...it's because she came back, but I'll finish what I was saying later.

So yesterday was a pretty rough day for a lot of reasons. Life just started to catch up to me. It took a few days of slowing down before it caught up, but it did. I got to the end of the line. I've gotten to the point where I just can't take anymore testing and molding and all that. I need a break. Period. The main thing that brought this on was Roomiestar's date...hear me out before you think I'm a terrible friend. Every female reading this knows how it feels when two girls are best friends and ONE of them starts dating someone. It inevitably changes their friendship...not necesarily for the bad, but it just changes. Well...since satan's really been camping out in my mind, I lost it. I started to feel like I was going to lose my best friend, why is she getting everything she wants while I'm losing everything I have, etc. etc. etc. Satan sucks. It took a good hour of crying hysterically, two conversations with Mac and Cheese, a visit with TV Dinner, and finally just screaming at God for me to realize that it really is just satan messing with my head. And I hate it.

Yesterday while I was at work I decided to fast until God threw some big blessing my way...nothing specific...and I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'll know it when it comes. Later on I decided to do it until either that blessing comes OR God shows me what he wants me to do with my time NOW. I know I'm supposed to go seminary when I graduate...but that's 8 months away. There's a lot I can do between now and then I just don't know what. So I'm fasting...and for the first time, I'm sticking to it. I've made it almost 36 hours without food so far, and I'm still kickin. Besides...it'll be a good jump start to losing some weight. ;) Just kiddin.

So yeah...today has been better. I have specifically asked God to kick Satan out of my head at least for a little while, and I think it's working. I'm really happy and excited for Roomiestar although I know there are still going to be times when it will be difficult. But we talked about it, and both of us completely understand each other...for the first time in a while. I've decided that I'm probably going to go see the Narnia movie with the church because if I don't I'll be sitting at hope drowning in my self pity. I'd kinda like to go to the thingy at church before hand but it's 5 bucks per family...which I'm only one person so it wouldn't be fair to charge me the full 5 dollars...but maybe someone will adopt me into their family for the night.

Anyway...I better get going before the Big Boss Woman returns. Please keep me in your prayers and specifically ask God to send me some kind of blessing and to show me what I need to be doing right now. I love you all. Thank you for your prayers and support.

Pepto

Ok, so I figured it's about time that I update this thing. Thank you everyone for your prayers and encouragement. Grandma's funeral was actually not all that bad. There were some moments that were definitely heartbreaking, but for the most part it was a celebration of her life instead of just mourning her death. We did a lot of reminiscing, a lot of laughing, and a little drinkin in her honor (honestly that's the only reason I did it...ask me about that sometime) which is what I think she would have wanted. Anyway...it's still been an emotional roller coaster over the last week which is to be expected, but the outlook for the near future isn't really much better. Lots of financial issues have come about this week...I'm getting screwed for the month of December...great timing isn't it? Anyway...now that I'm back all I'm doing is working 9-5 Monday through Friday...that's it. I really need to get a life. In all honesty...I'm in a spiritual pitfall right now. I don't really have a desire to go to church...I haven't spent any time in the word except to look for something to say at my Grandma's funeral. I'm not praying. I'm having doubts about going to seminary. And I'm falling deep back into a sin that I thought I was climbing my way out of. That's the short of it. So I could use a little prayer with all that.

On the bright side...Roomiestar has a date tomorrow. (ow ow) ;) I'd like to send out some congrats to her. I'm really excited for her, and I hope things work out. She definitely deserves a guy that will treat her the way she deserves to be treated...and if he doesn't...I'll kill him. Just kidding. ;) I've been trying to be optimistic thinking that my Prince Charming will come along very soon just like we hoped it would happen...but I don't believe it at all. I need to lose about 60 pounds first.

Yay for mood swings within a single blog entry. Y'all probably think I've lost my mind. Well, I'm gonna go because we have to make a Meijer run. Later.

Pepto